Thursday, September 6, 2012

QUERY CORNER – Successful Queries

Today I’m going to post another query that received a lot of requests. This one belongs to my lovely beta reader, Jackie. This story was amazing, and her query landed her several requests. It does the job of getting attention! Check it out:

Dear Agent, (Of course, the agent’s name goes here)

Seventeen-year-old Hadley Blake has the ability to heal others and herself, but her skills go beyond what other Menders can do. Giving life back to someone within the first hour of their death is what earns her a spot at Orion, a behavior center for supernatural teens. (This paragraph, and last sentence, should hook the agent/editor and make them want to read more)

Jiu-jitsu is a staple at Orion and crushing on sexy martial arts trainer, Donovan Graham, is a welcomed distraction for Hadley. Campus hottie, Gage Ryder, attempts to change that, and she winds up falling for him, too.

Love will have to wait because Orion’s head doctor has other plans for her and her little Lazarus act. Fight to the death, revive, repeat is Dr. Ramsey’s motto. Hadley learns he makes money off forcing the kids to fight in cage matches using their powers. She also discovers the center is full of aliens. The doctor’s been injecting the kids with alien blood to give them powers in the first place.

Hadley must find a way to stop him or else remain a slave in his fight club—or worse. She could end up dead. (These paragraphs should read like the back cover a book—it should sound enticing and interesting without giving too much away)

BREATHE FOR ME is my 80,000 word young adult sci-fi and is a standalone with series potential. Per submission requirements, I've pasted the first five pages below. (This paragraph includes the title, word count, genre, and lists any submission guidelines that were followed)

Thank you for your time and consideration. (It is always a good idea to thank them for their time and close the letter professionally)

All the best,

Jackie Felger (Following your name would be any contact information—address, phone number, email address, and website, social media links)

If you would like to find Jackie online, she blogs over at and loves to hear from fellow writers, both aspiring and published!

Feel free to comment on her query or offer up any tips you have that get queries noticed!

Kimmy :)

TRIANGLES, Kimberly Ann Miller, Spencer Hill Press, June 2013


  1. Hello! Found you through Jackie :)

    This query is super good. The concept, even better :)

  2. I agree! Thanks for stopping by!

  3. I dig that concept, too. Imagine having that Lazarus touch misused so horribly! Great job, Jackie!
    Some Dark Romantic